I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
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