I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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