she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
