Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
