i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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