I want to make a zoo with you.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize