thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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