My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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