Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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