Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
my liver is dry heaving
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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