There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
