well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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