I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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