So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
