Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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