Barsexuality is the new black.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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