How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Never underestimate the power of titties
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
