3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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