So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
