You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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