Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
