dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
