She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
