my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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