Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Princesses don't give blow jobs
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
