Will you blow on my dice?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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