At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
