we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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