i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
