shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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