Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
