I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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