I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize