Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
