I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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