if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
