You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
