Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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