I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize