omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Randomize
