Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
