they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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