My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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