Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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