He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
