i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
