I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
