The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
