the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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