Umm I'm too high to move.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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