Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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