so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize