How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
It's just like the Real World with babies
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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