On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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