note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
