FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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