Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I want to fling myself into the sun
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
