did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
