My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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