y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize