why didn't you poke me back
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
