remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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