My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
