im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
