You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
