Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Threesome in a minivan. New low
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
