Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Randomize
