You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
