apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
