it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
