I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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