Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
