I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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