I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
