dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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