I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
