i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
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