Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
