video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
