apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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