think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
