Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
