just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
