i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
