Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
