I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
