Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
