how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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