it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
