She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
