After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
she told me i tasted like america
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
