My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
